Keeping Christmas Simple -Part 1: What to tell the family
It’s begun. There are Christmas trees at the stores. People have begun to rush around with that grumpy puss on, complaining about how they ‘have to’ get this present or that gift for so-and-so. And emails and phone calls from relatives have started to come in about what we want for Christmas. This makes me very uncomfortable. Christmas is not - never has been about - what *I want*. It’s about celebrating the enormous gift we’ve already received in God humbling himself to take human form, suffer for us, and bring us to everlasting life.
Jesus was not born for us to go into debt. Nor was He sent to stress us out for half of every year (between the shopping and the credit card bills). This idea has been on my mind for a few weeks. And I’ve been thinking about how to express it to our extended family who, with enormously generous hearts, always shower us with presents each Christmas. So I came up with the following letter, which I sent this morning by email. I sincerely hope I didn’t offend. I wanted to strike just the right note. I wanted them to know that we would rather have THEM for Christmas than anything else. I did add a list of suggestions because I know that they will still go shopping.
Tell me what you think (and feel free to snitch if you are so inclined):
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I can’t believe that Advent is right around the corner! We’ve been making gifts since summer, and you should see what the kids are making this year!
I’m beginning to get emails about what we want, or what our kids want. Brian and I appreciate your generosity, but honestly, Christmas for us - and for our children - is not about presents. It is about spending time together doing things we love. Please, please don’t feel you have to run out and buy for us. We have a new mantra in our house concerning Christmas; “Jesus wasn’t born to put us into debt”. I also understand that time is at a premium for most of our extended family, so homemade gifts are somewhat impractical - but by far our favorites to receive.
Because space is very limited with six children in a small house, we are being very selective about what we collect, especially toys. I finally decided to go through everything and divest us of much of what we had accumulated over the years. I have decided to keep and collect only a few, which inspire creativity or help in some way with homeschooling. We have opted for toys from natural materials because they are sturdy and beautiful.
We now have about 5,000 books in our home library and have actually begun weeding through and donating some. I think we will mostly be replacing titles that get loved too much, and adding here and there as needed for school - ours or the children’s.
If you still think that you would like to make a gift of something tangible, the best things are consumable. Treats to eat, movie tickets, arts and crafts supplies… Natural baskets, wooden bowls, and bread pans are also very appreciated by me. Brian is hard to make or buy for. I think he’d like a guy’s day out best of all. He needs a break. 
Lastly, pyjamas are always a perrenial need here. I think the kids eat them in the night! I have listed some suggestions below, as well as the kids’ sizes in case you want/need them.
Craft Supplies:
Wool yarns, especially sock/fingering (Knit Picks is our fave - VERY economical)
Knitting Needles
Crochet hooks
Wool batting
Wool felt
Embroidery floss
Cotton, hemp, or jute macrame cords
watercolour pads
rubber stamps
scrapbooking or oragami papers
wood or cardboard poker chips (for math class)
Wood carving gouges
Table-top miniature lathe (for making lace bobbins, wood pens)
Some School Equipment (these can be very spendy, but are exceedingly useful):
Weather Station
Laboratory Microscope
Webcam
Rosetta Stone (any language)
SMALL portable telly - 13″ (the big one is one it’s way to the trash heap)
Kiln
Kids’ Sizes (deleted from the bloggy post!):
Cate -
Jack -
Carrie -
William -
Sophie -
Louis -
Toy items:
Imaginarium wooden toys
Melissa and Doug (especially puzzles)
Magic Cabin
Weir Dolls
Joy’s Waldorf (especially doll clothes/patterns for Honey Doll size)
But the best present of all would be a visit! Drop in for coffee (we might just have some fresh-baked goodies!), play a game, make some craft project with us. I know that Brian would love to have a guy or two around - and an opportunity to pick your brain about some projects he’s stuck with. That darned bathroom has got him totally stumped. In case anyone is keeping track - it’s been 6 years in demolition. LOL!
Love,
Nis
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I should have added, as our daughter Cate reminded me later on, that gift cards are not a good choice for us either. We only shop for food - and that because we have to or we would die. Brian wanted to add that we also wait to buy food until we’re actually famished and there is nothing left in the house 
. Seriously, finding two spare hours in a day would be borderline miraculous. And neither of us wants to spend it dragging six cranky kids around a mall. Anyway, I hate shopping. Have you seen the lighting in those dressing rooms? UGH.
November 15th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
We always suggest clothes as well…
The kids grow out of theirs so fast!
November 15th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
[…] Original post by Simple Gifts […]
November 15th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
I think you’ve managed just the right balance between your family ethic and concrete suggestions.
Although Christmas is not about the presents, we should allow our friends the JOY of giving to others, especially when the items are as enriching and carefully selected as your list.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:14 am
This is a really great idea! i have one suggestion though
My parents always buy us a gift card to use at Walmart for groceries at Christmas time. We love it!
November 16th, 2007 at 10:53 am
This is a great letter and I definitely don’t see how it could offend anyone. With all of the toy recalls, my list is very specific this year and we are paring down a lot of the toys that we already have and picking the quality things that the children really play with.
I hope your Christmas is exactly how you have envisioned it!!
November 16th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
What a wonderful idea. I hope you don’t mind me linking to it on my blog, I would love for all of my family to read it.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Oh, I very much like your letter- you set a wonderful, fun tone to it.
)
I may have to borrow pieces to make my own . . . .
I pray you get exactly what you want this CHRISTmas.
November 16th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I’m sure you are a lovely person. I’m sure you sent this mass email with the best of intentions, but I would not have sent it. It risks unspoken hurt feelings and the tone of the preface is a little self righteous and preachy. Don’t these loved ones already know your values by the way you live? Your discussion of your limited space and your specific taste in expensive toys and the ponderous list puts pressure to give only the “right gifts.” I don’t think that is your intention, but it read as if you are trying to control what others give as gifts. That is pressure, whether you meant it to be or not.
That doesn’t sound like a simple, Christ focused Christmas to me.
November 16th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Thank you for your input, Annie. I admit that I thought this email might be a little bit harsh, too. I suspect that there were other readers who felt as you do.
I’m not normally as forward as this, which is, I think, why I posted here for a critique. However, our extended family are very direct people and actually request lists from us. So I think that perhaps, they won’t be hurt.
I actually don’t think that our family fully realizes the extent of our faith since they don’t often visit and don’t share our convictions. I did feel it was important to emphasize that with them.
I did get several responses from family members with sincere thanks for the list, and one saying that they will be donating a llama in our name through Heifer International! That is a superb gift!
You are blessed to have a family that understands you. A message like mine will never be neccessary for you! But I hope that, for other families who experience similar circumstancess to ours, I have given them an idea about how they handle their own situations.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
This is fabulous! I may well ’swipe’ it:-)
Don’t forget, the tabletop lathe would also be suitable for making spinning tops! (My dad had a post about them in the recent Toymaking Fair… done on a big lathe, but he has done them on a mini one in the past.)
November 17th, 2007 at 1:09 am
I loved this as we are switching to more natural and holistic toys, but I fear if I sent this out to family, it might offend. I beleive we all know though whether our own family can handle such a letter. You said nothing wrong, but it all depends whether the family finds it offensive. I have a relative about to have a baby who only wants very expensive gifts…$1000 stroller plus extras to go with it and so on. Their ideology is based on style. So they are perceived snobs by some. I’m glad you put this out there for us to ponder.
I look forward to hearing how it works! 
November 17th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Nissa,
No, I don’t have a family that understands me. Quite the contrary–only a few do. And both of our families are direct to the point of bluntness–but are still quite sensitive and Christmas is an emotional time for all. Which is why I wrote the comment–I am sincerely sorry if it seemed harsh or hurt you in any way. In my experience, letters like this written so thoughtfully and carefully have had come back to bite me. That is why I was careful to say that I am certain this is not your intention. You truly would love a visit and truly don’t need “stuff” to celebrate the birth of Christ. In fact, all the trappings make us uncomfortable. When I read the note from your standpoint, I find myself nodding in agreement. I have relatives who ask for gift suggestions as well–and I am always happy to give a few.
My worries arose when I read it from the standpoint of a recipient. For my sister who routinely goes into debt and buys into materialism at Christmas, this could feel like an indictment on her–yes I know that is not the intention, but our fallen human nature could cause such a sister to think–”oh, so what does she think of me???” Or my divorced sister in law who is raising five adopted children on a very tight budget–but who LOVES my children and wants to get something for them, may feel inadequate for the little plastic boats from “stuffmart” that she got on clearance. Of course, we welcome them lovingly and appreciate that she wants to give. But a letter like this can make her feel hesitant. That is my concern. These feelings are seldom voiced. As a mother of nine in a tiny house, I have to be careful when discussing the decluttering that we must do routinely. We inadvertently hurt my father in law’s feelings by discussing how little room we had. In response he quit making beautiful little chairs for our children–a painful lesson in directness. The individuals who asked for suggestions, welcome them. They will print it up and shop happily.
As you can tell, I continue to learn daily that when I open my mouth, take my hand to a pen or my fingers to the keyboard there is a lot more at stake than what I intend to say or write. I am delighted that your email went over well. I wrote my remarks after agonizing for half a day. I decided to write because others may follow your example with less happy results.
November 19th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
I really like that you included very simple inexpensive things such as craft items, and the more expensive items too. I always shop on a budget, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find those expensive items at a secondhand store or on clearance.
I asked for a food processor last Christmas. My parents always want to know what I want, and as a mom I can name everything my kids want, I struggle with what I want. When I learned the price of said food processor I was in shock, yet my parents had no problem buying that, and another gift that I said “I’d like to have the MASH collection, but that is too expensive.” I let them decide what they’d like to spend, and from your email, you gave many price options that will give everyone a chance to give as able.